old letters {hai}

[Zhiyun Cadeo Aukai]

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Hai Mei

336 words

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I Couldn't say the words out loud [break]







so in a rhyme i wrote you down

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Zhiyun flipped through the catalog before him. Rarely did he find himself weary, but often he would be overwhelmed. There was just so much to do. He was creating it all, one book at a time, but transferring the oral history of the sea to books could take longer than even a fae might comprehend. He didn’t know how far back to go. He just knew the the sea was old, frighteningly old, and they were in the open sea now. If he were to return to his homeland— he might find relics from a time when the word “faerie” hadn’t even been conceived, when trees could talk and monsters were awake. [break][break]


He glanced up at the glass doors. Many would have him believe that the nature of the monsters still lived, but he was nowhere near persuaded. And it was for the best. Some things should stay dormant. [break][break]


The door swung open and his hands stopped. He couldn’t help but be moving, tracing the parchment and the ink. He needed to go up to the land’s High Court. He had been warned that it was unsafe. Kaimana told him not to go. He could not disobey a Queen. But he could disagree. [break][break]


This mortal girl was not reckless. She would not dispatch with him, not if she had a princess of the undersea in her court. Privately, he cared more for the princess’ safety than his own. But he was not meant to be dealing in her life. He was a scholar. That was all. [break][break]


But this was a princess too. He could tell, not from the way she walked in, not even from the diadem at her brow, but from the look in her eyes. He recognized it well. Every one of the Queen’s children had that look. She had that look. [break][break]


This girl must not have taken after whoever her father was, because she was the spitting image of Kaimana. It was difficult not to dwell on that, to lose himself to wondering, but he had fought harder battles. He closed his book and set it aside. ”Princess,” he said, and with his words was the echo of a moment, the ghost of a girl who had come into his library years ago. ’How can I help you?”  [break][break]































































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[Hai Mei]

Zhiyun Cadeo Aukai

Notes: Diadem , Dress , Hair

Hai had never considered herself an unruly child.

She had tried her best to obey her mother’s wishes, to trust that she truly had everyone’s best interests at heart. For the most part, she did well at pertaining to this mindset. It was when she witnessed the suffering of her siblings that the image faltered.

She cared for them, in her own way. In the only way she really could. She knew, in the back of her mind, that her brothers were worth nothing to her mother. She also knew that one day, she may have to go against her sisters in hopes of ascending to the throne. She didn’t want to be queen. Never. She blamed the weight of the crown for hardening their mother. Like diamonds that form under pressure. The crown made her beautiful, stronger; but so much sharper.

She wondered if her blame was misplaced. If her mother had always been the way she was. If her mother had ever, truly, been soft with someone. She supposed she was born too late to see that side, if it existed. Sometimes, she wasn’t sure it ever had.

No matter her views on her mother, she tried her best to be a good daughter. She tried to keep her head down, to not revel in the attention of being a princess. In her mind, if she tried to distance herself from the glamor and loudness of the position, maybe she wouldn’t be considered to be queen. Maybe she could stick with being a good daughter, and live her life away from the bloodiness of the courts. Maybe that bloodiness wouldn’t turn her into the monster she feared she had the potential to be. Power made monsters of people. She was sure most thought her to be odd. She was alright with that. She’d rather be odd than cruel.

For now, she pushed those thoughts from her head. Doubting didn’t do any good, she thought. She stepped into the massive library, through the beautiful glass doors. Her body switched to breathing air. It was always odd, but not nearly as shocking as the first few times. She had to breathe heavily for a moment to adjust. But it was worth it. Books had always been a refuge for her. A retreat from the stress of everything else. A comfort, even.

She didn’t notice the librarian at first, lost in her own thoughts, as she often was. She nearly startled when she heard his voice. She straightened the sparkly diadem on her head, resting atop her braided hair. She was rather fond of it, seeing as it was so pretty and shiny. A shame it drew too much attention.

She fidgeted with her fingers, not even noticing she was doing it. “Well, I was looking for a new novel to read. Do you have any recommendations?”

[Zhiyun Cadeo Aukai]

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Hai Mei

370 words

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I Couldn't say the words out loud [break]







so in a rhyme i wrote you down

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Zhiyun paused, studying her. It was such an open-ended question, he almost wondered if she meant something else by it. Perhaps his conversations with the Queen were just weighing on him. He wanted to think she had some ulterior motive for refusing his passage to the High Court of the land. He had to assume she had some other reason, for the most obvious reason was dangerous even to entertain. She had allowed her children, but not him. It was almost certainly because his history project was dangerous. That had to be it. [break][break]

"I could recommend many novels," he said, though he still felt his collection was paltry at best. There were so many stories. There was so much history. There was a reason for everything and someone somewhere knew that reason. He hated that he couldn't now the reason. He hated that the children around him would not know the reason. It was, in a way, odd that he was so concerned for children and the future. He had never thought he would have children.   [break][break]

"It all depends on what you want to find. The histories are expanding very day. But those may not be fantastic enough for you." In truth, he couldn't think of anything more dramatic. The undersea gave birth to the worst monsters. The land gave birth to the worst magic. Combine their histories and you found tales of monsters and warriors and legends. In the undersea especially. many of the details were murky. He wished his father was still alive. He wished he could be a father like the one he had.  [break][break]



"I haven't seen you here recently," he said, closing his catalogue and looking past her to the rows of bookshelf. They were not alphabetized. He had his own system of organization, based on topic and date. He found it more precise, but he didn't know what they would do when he was no longer able to manage the library. He had been doing it for nearly a century. He was nowhere near done. "Are you missing her brother?" He did not ask about Jin-Hwa, though he knew she was also on the land. He felt her absence deeply enough for both of them. [break][break]
































































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[Hai Mei]

Zhiyun Cadeo Aukai

Notes: Diadem , Dress , Hair

Usually, she preferred to find her own novels. To lose herself in books that she chose. But, unfortunately, she was at a loss. She needed something new, something she hadn't read before. Something entertaining, preferably. Something to lose herself in.

She stepped further into the library, observing the man. He looked the role of a proper scholar. That was good, at least. She supposed that if you were to work in a library, you should at least look like you fit the part. And this man exuded a gentleness that was lacking in many of the others in the Undersea court. 

She paused. "History is bloody and raw. There is little comfort in history, as opposed to works of fiction. Only in tales of heroes is there comfort. But even those are plagued with dark moments. The sea is a dark place." Was she in the mood for history? Perhaps. "But if you have a good recommendation, I will not disregard it."

"I have busy, unfortunately. Mother has kept me busy." She would be surprised if he remembered her, if she were anyone else. When was the last time she'd introduced herself to someone who didn't know who she was prior to their meeting? She wanted to. But that was nigh impossible. Even if they hadn't seen her before officially meeting her, she resembled her mother too much to be anyone else. She was the spitting image of her mother. A blessing, and a curse. More curse than anything. It made people assume things. She wasn't her mother. And when Queen Kiamana found that out for herself, she would not be pleased. 

"...Very much," she replied, after a moment. Her mother didn't like that Hai was fond of Marcellus. Nor that she spent time with him. She wasn't sure why their mother hated Marcellus so much. He hadn't done anything to her. Marcellus was also one of the few people that Hai felt like she was safe with. Other people were scary and dangerous. Her looks weren't the only thing she had from her mother. Her distrust of others was her mother's as well. "I suppose he will come home eventually. I am glad he is enjoying himself on the surface." She knew this well, as Marcellus had sent her many letters. Letters gushing over those gargoyle things he was so fond of. She was happy for him, yes, but she missed her brother.

[Zhiyun Cadeo Aukai]

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Hai Mei

452 words

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yes, all real myths. yes, i had to research all of them

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I Couldn't say the words out loud [break]







so in a rhyme i wrote you down

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Zhiyun had to smile at her naivety, but it was not a cruel smile. Her innocence was refreshing and a slap in the face. She could never have been his daughter.


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”Comfort in heroes, princess?” he asked. ”Xiang Yu. The Hai Bà Trưng. Antigone. There is no comfort there.”


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They were all heroes, three of the four women, who were mortal. Who had died for their cause. He found it remarkable, the idea of death with a cause instead of death as a destination. Perhaps mortals could turn anything into a tool, given enough time. ”Beyond that. There is a story about a girl after your own name.” The sea was alive with stories, every one of those stories people. Every one of the stories a piece of the truth, yet not the fullness of it. ”It is a curiosity, though.” He said, fixing his warm gaze on her. ”When I came to your mother’s court, I was given a task.” He closed his eyes and he could see it again. The gold in the walls and the gold in her eyes. One of them could never rival the other. ”By your mother. A test to see if I was the scholar I claimed. She asked me how the fae could tell an untruth. How they could continue a lie. I told her the two were not the same thing.


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“Agreement is simple. Perpetuation is easy. Rationalization is like breathing. So she told me to find her a fae who could tell her an untruth, and I said he was standing in front of her. Now I pose to you the same riddle.”


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He studied her. Kaimana’s daughter, Kaimana’s face, not Kaimana’s eyes. She was bright and she was hungry, but she was not on fire. Something or someone had dampened her fire. The pressure of the sea weighed on her. He could see it. It weighed on him sometimes too, but going on land felt like drowning. So he stayed and he bore the pressure. It was easier to do with others.


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He hoped some day she could recapture the brilliance. Perhaps he could help her. Perhaps that could start today.


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She spoke of his brother and he thought of Antigone. A curious story, not one close to the Undersea at all. He had read it again and again. That bond of family was so close, so desperate. Nothing but blood. He never asked Kaimana if she buried her sisters.


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”So, Princess. Answer my question and you may take any book you like.” He smiled again. It was a fae deal, a fae riddle, void of malice. He believed she could find the answer. He believed she could be brilliant again.

















































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[Hai Mei]

Zhiyun Cadeo Aukai

Notes: Diadem , Dress , Hair

She blinked. She had never truly thought of it that way. Perhaps her preferred stories were merely the happier ones. The ones with fairytale endings, the happily ever afters. She was not so naive that she truly believed in such a thing. There were no happy endings in her world. Which made fiction all the more comforting when there were. "I suppose I see your point. Even so, I fail to see the draw in those sort of works. Why indulge in fiction if not to escape the harsh realities of the true world? Why allow yourself to suffer in reading of the imagined suffering of others?" It was a question that had plagued her mind for a while. The world was dark enough as it was.

"A story after my own name?" She raised a brow, interest piqued. She had never heard of such a thing. Though, she supposed, if it was any sort of tragedy the others within the palace would not mention it to her. To associated their princess with tragedy was not... ideal. For them. Hai stepped closer, but still stuck closer to the comfort of the bookshelves, rather than getting close to the librarian. 

She considered his question. Agreement is simple. Perpetuation is easy. Rationalization is like breathing. She did not understand. Fae could not lie. That was truth, unshakable in its binding certainties. How often had she wished to lie? How often had she wished to deceive her mother? Lies were a forbidden temptation, a fruit she could not indulge in. Lies could give her a true sort of freedom that the truth could never give. 

But in reality, was she not living a lie? Her mother thought her to be a good, docile daughter. Her mother thought her to be like her. Or, at least, with great potential to be. But Hai did not believe she was capable of such things. Of being the daughter her mother truly wanted. 

Or are you lying to yourself?

Maybe you are simply trying to convince yourself you are not like her. Looks may be deceiving, but the fruit did not fall far from its tree.

Like mother, like daughter.

"Fae can tell untruths if it is what they truly believe to be true." She blinked, mind in knots from his riddle. 

She did not think it was the true answer, but it was a start. She would need to think more. Such a challenge was almost... enjoyable. 

[Zhiyun Cadeo Aukai]

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Hai Mei

522 words

Music

this one i made up.

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I Couldn't say the words out loud [break]







so in a rhyme i wrote you down

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Gravity existed under the sea. He did not know why that was what he was reminded of now, but it was. Stay in the water long enough and you would fall. You would fall slowly, and if you were an undersea fae, you would not drown, but you would fall. And all of them could still crack under the pressure, if they went deep enough.

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Almost all of them. He wouldn’t.

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Hai was born and raised in the open sea. He could not ask her who her father was, not rightly, but he could guess. She looked like a girl born in the open sea. She looked like a girl who didn’t know gravity and thought it some failing of her own that sometimes she fell. He did not know how he could tell this all from one look, other than the fear in her eyes.

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“You do not need to be afraid to answer,” he assured her. “If you do not understand, I will help you.”

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But she did answer. She asked questions and she stalled, but she did answer.

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“You are close. Those lies cannot be considered as such, though, if they are believed to be truth. The way a fae can lie is through stories.”

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He raised his hands, like he was going to paint a picture in the air. He could hear his mother’s voice in his head. Every piece of him was just an echo, just a shadow on the wall. He could never claim to be the genuine article.

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“Once, there was a girl named Hai. Hai of the Shore, they called her, for she had no home and no mother. She jumped into the sea and sunk to the depths, and the seafolk came and stared at her as she lay on the seafloor and did not move. They thought she was dead, but she still breathed. They wondered if there could be life without knowing.”

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He paused to meet her eyes. “I doubt it.”

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“However,” he continued. “After a fortnight she stood to her feet. She told them she had heard them speak over her, and she was just waiting. She knew they killed dragons. She wanted to see such a dead dragon.

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“The seafolk were much afraid. This was a stranger, with white hair and glittering eyes. She looked like a ghost. That was where they got her name. Hai. Alive. A living ghost.

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“She went to the body of the dragon. She told them to draw out a bone, and they did. She took it with her, and vanished. The seafolk muttered that she was a demon and went on their way. But she returned, with a bone made out of dragon sword.

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She challenged the king to his throne and won. She said she did not want nor deserve it, but that it was the women that killed dragons, and it was those who should bear the blade. And she gave it to the most worthy warrior, and then she told them to kill her.”

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He looked at Hai. “Was any of that true?” He asked. “Do you think they listened?”


















































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