Seven {Jinhwa}

[Cassie Eloise Enigma]

    Cassie had always known that the Undersea’s Princess was… different. At least, she wasn’t like Cassie, who’d learned to use her femininity as a weapon, flirting and laughing along to snare some poor man in a trap. Or to get him to do or say what she wanted. But those were essentially the same thing. Jin-hwa just weaponized herself, her whole self. She didn’t trust anyone, not easily, at least, and she didn’t care to act the way everyone else did. Cassie remembered her days in the Undersea fondly. Those days before her body had turned angular and lean, before her mind had been trained in the ways of the land fae. Before she’d known about her family.

    She would always remember the day she became friends with Jin-hwa. Jin-hwa had squirreled herself away, as she often did, hiding with a book, hiding from the other children. Cassie had followed her, two bunches of grapes in her hand. They were supposed to be a bribe. They didn’t end up being one. Jin-hwa had done what she always did. She’d put up her defenses, but Cassie had spoken to her nicely, so nicely, in fact, the she’d been able to coax a smile out of the little Princess. “You’re pretty when you smile.” she had said, with the honesty only a child could muster. She would later find out that that had been the first, and possibly only time someone had said that Jin-hwa. Maybe that was why she’d trusted her so quickly. Or maybe it was the way that Cassie had lain at her feet, sharing her grapes as Jin-hwa read aloud, her fingers sticky with the juice. Maybe it was the fact that they were both princesses and it was their royal parents who made them regret that. Either way, they stayed friends.

    Cassie marched up the stairs to her quarters in the High Palace. She wasn’t going to complain that she’d had to stop the festivities she’d been enjoying on her trip. A girl’s life had been threatened, and at the hand of her best friend? She’d wanted to check in on both of them, but Jin-hwa had more priority in her life. She’d sent the Undersea Princess a note, summoning her to the palace under the ruse of a simple soiree. Let’s meet at the palace and catch up over some tea, it had said. Both of them knew why they were meeting. Cassie pushed through the door to her chambers and flopped down onto her bed with a dramatic sigh. The room had been decorated in blues and greens and purples, a constant reminder of her father’s infidelity, of the part of her that would never belong to the land fae. She undid the straps on her wedges and kicked them off, letting them clatter onto the floor. She lay back on her pillows, her sheer skirts flowing around her like waves. Now was the hard part. She had to wait.

TAGS: Jin-Hwa Mei
OUTFIT
SHOES

★fai

But I, I was high in the sky. Are there still beautiful things?

[Jin-Hwa Mei]

[nospaces]

[attr="class","Lost"]

[break]

Cassie Eloise Enigma

784 words

Music

Outfit

[break][break]

When does a ripple become a tidal wave [break]















When does the reason become the blame

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Jin-Hwa was furious, and she was always gorgeous when she was angry. [break][break]

Some ladies look lovely when they cried. Cassie was one such girl. Her eyes seemed wider, more honest. It made her eyelashes since. She was never so pretty as when she cried, except for when she laughed. [break][break]

Jin-Hwa didn't cry enough to know what she looked like. She had one memory of it, one, and that memory was accompanied by the taste of blood in her mouth, of shards glinting gold on the ground, of her mother's crown. Blood and gold and a crown. And her, crying. They always went together. They always would. [break][break]

But Jin-Hwa knew she was never so lovely as when she was angry. She wasn't pretty when she laughed-- it looked forced. She wasn't lovely when she was trying to be kind. She was gorgeous when she was angry. She was built to be. [break][break]

Her eyes shone, her hair flashed, her cheekbones seemed sharper. It had horrified her when she was younger. Back then, she was scared of the odd looks her older siblings gave her when she got really angry, like something was wrong with her. The way her mother evaluated her always bothered her, until she saw herself in the reflection of an ornamental shield. [break][break]

Her mother always kept items of war in the palace, a promise and a reminder. They were warriors at heart. Jin-Hwa trained with the sword, with their tridents, and was always reminded that she may at any moment be called to lead a war. She understood that as a child. She didn't understand what she was seeing. [break][break]

She had been angry. Jin-Hwa didn't remember why, now. Probably someone hadn't done what she had expected. Probably she had lost a game to her sister. Probably it was nothing important at all. [break][break]

But even so young, she saw it. She saw how she looked lovelier, looked braver, looked like her mother. Looked like a queen. She didn't share the librarian's eyes in that moment. Murmurs of who her father was didn't matter. She looked like the mother that had beaten her and praised her. She looked like the queen who had brought peace to the realm and ripped it open again. It terrified her. [break][break]

Jin-Hwa ran. As a child, as daughter with no mother, no father, there was no one to run to, so she just ran. She hid herself away with a book and barely spoke for a week. And then came Cassie. [break][break]

Cassie didn't know anything. Cassie barged into her life with a smile and some grapes, meant to be a luxury as they didn't grow under the sea. Cassie inserted herself into Jin-Hwa's life and told her she was pretty when she smiled, and for a moment, Jin-Hwa believed her. [break][break]

The fae couldn't lie but Jin-Hwa had been lying to herself. [break][break]

There were no grapes that would fix this-- not even drowning it in wine would. She had gone too far and she had seen it in Nikolai's face, but whatever love she had for him had to be killed now. He didn't love her. Probably, he never had. And if knowing that was painful, it didn't matter, because pain and blood and tears always followed a crown. Always. So she had gone too far and yet she couldn't stop, not now, not until she had gone as far as there was to go, not until there was no more wall, not until she had burned it to the ground. And fire didn't burn underwater, so her time was running out. [break][break]

She stopped in front of Cassie's door, flexing her hands once, twice. She hadn't fixed things with Nikolai at all. She had just scared him, but that would be good enough. It would have to be good enough. He wasn't the blood price for her crown and she knew it.  She just didn't know if she had the strengthen to pay the real price. Love that turned to hatred was strong, but what about love that never got to bloom. There was no way to kill that. It was just a promise. It was just a premonition.  [break][break]

And now she was facing Cassandra, the prophet that was never believed, the princess that never was. She opened the door and faced her, and knew that love lost had to hurt more than love that never was, it simply had to, because what would hurt more than this. What could? [break][break]

"You forget yourself," she said. She had been saying it a lot. Was she the one forgetting? Or was this just remembering? Remembering who she was. Remembering what she had to do?[break][break]

She was always going to be her mother's daughter. [break][break]

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[Cassie Eloise Enigma]

    Cassie looked up from her bed just as Jin-hwa entered. The girl before had thrown open the door, her words carefully chosen and poised on her tongue, waiting to speak, waiting like a spear waits to be thrown. There she was, the girl Cassie felt she barely knew anymore. She’d never felt this estranged from the Undersea Princess, who stood in her bedroom doorway like she had hundreds of times before. It was that golden fire that was alight in her eyes, the set of her mouth, and the furrow of her brows that made her wonder what had made them grow so far apart. She scoffed as Jin-hwa spoke, daring to roll her eyes at her friend’s statement.

    “Says the one who not too long ago attempted to drown someone.” She sat up, propping herself on the plush pillows that adorned her bed. She motioned for Jin-hwa to enter, the door thudding shut behind her. “And it’s not like you did it because you were jealous.” She paused, remembering Talia, her brown skin glowing in the sun as she tried to play off the events that took place on the Crown Prince’s boat. “Honestly Jin-hwa,” Cassie said exasperated, her face going from annoyed to concerned. “If you really needed to get back to that prince of yours, you didn’t need to drag that poor girl into the fray.” Jin-hwa was smart, Cassie knew that. Smart enough to figure out a way in which the East Court’s prince got humiliated and no one else got hurt. But trying to drown someone? Just because she could? That was going a bit too far.

    She knew the Queen had been harsh to her youngest daughter. Downright abusive, really. But Jin-hwa was better than this. Cassie knew it. She’d seen it in the little girl’s smile, all those years ago. That little girl had smiled gratefully, for the grapes or her new friend, it hadn’t mattered. Those were simpler times. Over the past few years, she’d had to watch as her best friend’s smile, rare enough as it was, turned from soft corners to sharp edges. She’d known she should have said something, but the concern she’d felt had been nothing compared to what she felt at this moment.

    “You could have killed her,” she said softly. “Let’s move past the fact that she was practically a bystander. That prince cares about her.” And she had also seemed to care about him. Cassie’s mind was running faster now, turning from friend to emissary. Jin-hwa might not understand the situation from a moral standpoint, but she’d surely get it at a strategic one. “Imagine if you had killed her. The East Court is powerful and their Crown Prince is spoiled. If you had succeeded it would have upset him. And they would have blamed it on the Undersea as a whole.” It would have been a nightmare trying to get everything settled between the two Courts. It already was one. “Relations between the land fae and the Undersea fae are tense enough as is. We do not need your petty crime added to the fray.” She met Jin-hwa’s gaze, eyes blazing almost strong enough to match the fire in her friend’s eyes. “Or am I forgetting myself, Your Highness?”

TAGS: Jin-Hwa Mei
OUTFIT
SHOES

★fai

But I, I was high in the sky. Are there still beautiful things?

[Jin-Hwa Mei]

[nospaces]

[attr="class","Lost"]

[break]

Cassie Eloise Enigma

647 words

Music

Outfit

[break][break]

WHEN DOES A RIPPLE BECOME A TIDAL WAVE [BREAK]
WHEN DOES THE REASON BECOME THE BLAME 

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Jin-Hwa stared at her. She couldn't back down, not now, because if she backed down she would realize how tired she was and how little she cared. The act was done. But Cassie needed to understand their position. She had to make her understand. [break][break]
 
"Once," she said slowly, ever so slowly, "I called you sister." [break][break]

The thing in her voice was the sound of a storm brewing and the smell of lightening in the air. The sound in her voice was all the hairs on your arms raising. She hoped Cassie was afraid. It would be better for all of them that way. [break][break]

"I do not call you sister anymore." [break][break]

It wasn't a slight. It was a fact. Sisters of the Queen ended up as tributes or they ended up dead. Sisters of the Queen never stayed her companions for long. Sisters of the Queen had set the sea itself aflame and they had died for it.  [break][break]

She didn't want Cassie to be the sister of a Queen.  [break][break]

"You have forgotten yourself." Jin-Hwa said. "But I will seek to remind you. [break][break]

"Your father is dead. Murdered by a mortal, no less. The land is proved weak. Your mother never was. You have abandoned your country for a father who is now gone. Have you not once wondered if I was trying to provoke the land?" [break][break]

This was the great game now, where there were no friends, no sisters, no family, no mothers, just a crown and blood and more blood. Just a sacrifice and if Jin-Hwa didn't present one she would become it. [break][break]

"It was my aunt's head on the executioner's block." she said. "It will not be mine. But the reason I do not call you sister is because if I did, I could not swear it would not be yours." [break][break]

Her mother had murdered her sisters, murdered lovers, cut down anything in her way. She had fought and earned her crown and it was something no one could take from her. The past was a circle and Jin-Hwa would have to prove herself the same way.  [break][break]

"You say that I nearly killed that girl and I did, but then I didn't. You say that I couldn't have been jealous, but what if I was? And you say that this is a petty crime, but what will you do if isn't? What will you do if it's the start of a war? What will you do then?" [break][break]


This wasn't the end of anything. To call it petty would be short-sighted. This was an act, and whether it was premonitions or a real act of war would be the land's choice. Jin-Hwa had moved, and it was a dangerous move, just like any act of strategy, but what other choice did she have? [break][break]

She had loved Nikolai. She had. And she would never tell anyone. It was a weakness, a lapse in judgement, but more than that, it was a threat. Queens didn't love, not really, not anyone but her children. And she was young and afraid and only sixteen, but her life depended on the fact that no one remembered that. Not just her life. [break][break]

Not just her life. [break][break]

Every crown needed a sacrifice and if she wanted her mother's she would have to offer one. It would have to be an excuse for conquest or something greater. It would have to be blood. And Jin-Hwa had to set the rules right now, or else someone else would, and that was something she couldn't control, and that was something that terrified her.  [break][break]

If she wasn't a Queen, she would be dead. Queen's sisters never lived long. They never lived long at all. [break][break]

There was a storm in the air, and you were afraid and ready or you were dead. Jin-Hwa would weather this storm. 



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[Cassie Eloise Enigma]

    Cassie sat up straighter on her bed. Her jaw tightened, pushing back the tears that wanted to fall into her eyes. If she let Jin-hwa see her cry would she fall back? Or would she only reprimand her for her weakness? Jin-hwa wanted her to be scared, she knew the tone of her voice well. But all she felt was betrayed, a raw, burning sadness. Whatever reaction Cassie had been planning didn’t matter. Her grief was soon turned into anger. “You say I have forgotten myself. But you forget that I, too, am a princess. You forget that I have been nothing but a friend to you.” She could have said, 'I was your friend.' She could have said, 'I am your friend.' But now was not the time for friendship, it seemed. Now was a time for reminders.

    To say that Cassie was speechless would be an understatement. Even under the anger, the pain of betrayal throbbed dully beneath her skin. She had wanted to help Jin-hwa, and had wanted to talk with her. Had wanted to help her? How had it gone so wrong? She knew there was no easy way to salvage this mess. The common factor in Cassie and Jin-hwa’s friendship had always been pride. Jin-hwa, always thinking that she knew what was better, and Cassie, never able to tell her she was wrong. “You would throw this away. You would throw me away. And for what? Power? One does not become powerful on their own. And you do not have to continue the cycle once you ascend your throne.”

    The fae were shifty beings, and the Undersea fae only magnified that. It wasn’t wise to show one’s true self to a faerie, but Cassie had hoped Jin-hwa could move past that. She supposed she’d been wrong. “You say I misjudged you and your actions. Well, excuse me for not seeing past your facade. I know you hide your feelings from those you do not trust, but me, Jin-hwa?” This conversation could not keep going in this direction. They were on the road to destruction, and they only had seconds before they could veer off into safety. Jin-hwa would not relent, Cassie knew that. Then it was up to her.

    “I cannot lie, so believe me when I say I would not harm you knowingly. You may renounce me as your sister, but I will always be here for you. I called you here because I was concerned. Because I care about you.” It was hard, to say those words, and she hated how her voice shook as she said it. But it was not because she was weak that she could not keep her voice level. Some things are felt with too much intensity to not shake one’s voice, to shake them to their very core. “You ask what I will do. Well, I will do whatever I can do. I will support you, though you would have me do otherwise.”

    Cassie rose from her bed, letting her silk skirts whisper down around her. Her bare feet padded the stone floor as she crossed over to Jin-hwa, raising her hands to cup the girl’s face. The look in her eyes was fierce, so much older than her age, but the curve of her cheeks was a reminder, to Cassie especially of how young she truly was. “You are still just a girl. You are young, and you do not have to do this alone. I know you hide yourself from the world, but if you ever loved me, let me in. Let me know the true Jin-hwa, and her true feelings. Do not continue to hide yourself from everyone. Especially not me.” She paused, eyes shining. “And do not say that you are incapable of love, for I know you are capable of hatred. And anyone capable of hatred is capable of love.”

TAGS: Jin-Hwa Mei
OUTFIT
SHOES

★fai

But I, I was high in the sky. Are there still beautiful things?

[Jin-Hwa Mei]

[nospaces]

[attr="class","Lost"]

[break]

Cassie Eloise Enigma

601 words

Music

Outfit

[break][break]

When does a ripple become a tidal wave [break]















When does the reason become the blame

[break]















Jin-Hwa inhaled deeply, once, twice, the tears threatening but not spilling over. They wouldn't. [break][break]


"How long are you a princess for?" she asked. "Your brother is losing. And then what? What stops that mortal girl from killing you? It's the political thing to do." It's what my mother would do. She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't have to.  [break][break]


"And this is friendship," she said. "To keep you safe in the only way I can. It is not pleasant, but it is what has to be done. And that is ruling."  [break][break]


It took everything in her not to flinch form Cassie's touch. She didn't like it. She had never had a mother, and older sister, anything but a challenger and a challenge. But now Cassie was trying to coddle her, and she couldn't, because there was no safety in surviving. Not in this game. In this game, you won or you died.  [break][break]


"Cassie." she said, meeting her eyes, grabbing her wrist, pulling her hand down. Her nails dug into Cassie's wrist. "Cassie."  [break][break]


"These are my true feelings. I am hiding nothing from you. You are merely looking into a reflection that you do not want to see. I did not want to kill that girl. I wanted to provoke the land, so I did. Whether or not I was jealous doesn't matter. What does matter is this: nothing I do from here on out is petty." [break][break]



It couldn't be. She couldn't risk it. There was too much at stake. Too much at risk. It wasn't just her life anymore. It was so much more.  [break][break]


"What do you want me to do? Be a girl again? I can't. I won't. Think me evil or think me callous, but I will not. This is my true self now. This was always who I was going to be. This is the crucible, and the girl who you want me to be will not survive this.  [break][break]


"Do you think a mortal Queen of faerie will go unnoticed in the undersea? Do you think it will not be seen as a sign of weakness? Do you think we couldn't win a war? Do you really delude yourself so much?"  [break][break]


Whether or not her mother would wage war was not a real question. The question was when. Guinivere Marcel. Kingslayer. Still mortal, still young, still breathtakingly falliable. She would have to prove herself strong, and do it quickly, or she would die. Jin-Hwa's mother would simply be the first. The undersea would not be the only ones to try. But either way, Cassie would not be safe here. Few people would be safe here. An upheaval of the world itself was starting, and that upheavel was safe for no one.  [break][break]


"We are children no longer." she said. 'But for the child I was, I will do my best to protect you. Sharing an ideal of a kind girl that I can be no longer will not protect you. In this endeavor, the only protection I can offer you is this: Stay out of my way."


[break][break]


Her voice sounded like she was pleading, and she hated it, but she needed Cassie to understand, and she had been trying and trying to make her. She could not say it more plainly than this. She could not lie about their situation or their chances.


  [break][break]
She was not playing anymore. This was no tease. This was not a children's game. This was real life, this was war, this was what being Queen meant. And being Queen meant no hindrances. Meant no childhood fancies. It meant doing what needed to be done.  [break][break]


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[Cassie Eloise Enigma]

    Fine, Cassie thought, drawing her arms back to her sides. Jin-hwa’s nails were still piercing into her skin. She let the pain ground her. She saw the tears shining in Jin-hwa’s eyes and felt tears welling up in her own, but neither girl would let their tears fall today. She sniffed and lifted her chin, meeting the other girl’s gaze. “Fine.” She responded. “Do what you think you must. But I will not stay out of your way. I will not leave you to do this all on your own. I will walk along the way with you, because I love you and because I cannot bring myself to sit still while everything I’ve ever known is taken from me.”

    She didn’t know what it would mean to help Jin-hwa, and she didn’t even know whether she’d accept Cassie’s help. But she had to try. She truly couldn’t sit and watch as the Belladonna Queen took her home from her. How could a mortal think she knew what was best for Faerie? In a way, Cassie pitied the girl, for she knew she’d get destroyed by the nobles of the Court. But in another way, Cassie could not care less what happened to her. She’d killed her father, and not only ousted her older brother from the throne, but her entire family from their home. She could always go back to the Undersea, there would always be refuge for her there. But what about Gemini, or little Ophelia? There was no doubt they’d be able to find a place to live comfortably, but with the mortal queen on the throne, their name would put them at risk forever.

    “Tell me what I must do.” Whatever sadness she’d felt before had been replaced by determination. In her mind, it wouldn’t make sense for the Undersea Queen to want to take control of the land. Her realm was so much more vast than Faerie was, and the Land fae were so different than the Undersea fae, it would be harder for them to acclimate to the Undersea’s control. Then again, all the Undersea Queen truly wanted was power. And for the fae, land meant power. “And do not object to my helping you. Let me do this one thing. Please.”

TAGS: Jin-Hwa Mei
Mentioned: Gemini Enigma
OUTFIT
SHOES

★fai

But I, I was high in the sky. Are there still beautiful things?

[Jin-Hwa Mei]

[nospaces]

[attr="class","Lost"]

[break]

Cassie Eloise Enigma

664 words

Music

Outfit

[break][break]

when does a ripple become a tidal wave [break]















when does the reason become the blame

[break]















Jin-Hwa took a deep breath, tightening her fists once, twice. "The mad queen," she mused. She could not fault her for going mad with power. She could not fault her even for the diasters she had caused. But she would not allow this wreath of destruction to touch Cassie.

[break][break]

"Would you be welcome back home?" she asked. She didn't have to ask to know. She was a princess. She had stated the truth herself. She just wanted to see if Cassie would admit it. Theirs was a matralineal society. Cassie had no mother to leave anything to her. And her position of ambassador was in danger. There was no reason for Guinivere Marcel to leave her alive. Jin-Hwa wouldn't. She was angry, but she was also indignant. Did Cassie think to scold her even when her own life hung in the balance? Jin-Hwa could not fault her for pride or recklessness, but they would have to move on if Cassie would survive.

[break][break]

"You wouldn't." she mused, answering herself. "So, now what?" she asked, looking into Cassie's eyes. "I can't protect you. You should find someone who can." A rich marriage. A comfortable position. She had declared for her brother. Jin-Hwa's word meant nothing. She was a foreign princess. She would get more from betraying this new queen than assisting her. She tilted her head. "Ask your brother." Jin-Hwa said. Her lip curled up but she tried to hide it. Her disdain for the lesser Enigma would not help him now. The poisoner's prince. He was the crown prince. He could vouch for Cassie.

[break][break]

She could feel her anger simmering down like the sea after a storm. She had to take one thing at a time. She did not wish to be queen of the ashes. She needed something to rule. Cassie needed to be alive. [break][break]



"You will be safe," she decided, looking at Cassie. She felt like the older sister, brushing past Cassie's pleas to help. Cassie would be set up in the High Court and Jin-Hwa could do what she needed to do without collateral damage. It would be best for both of them. She could feel her path swerving closer and closer to that Enigma boy, but it didn't matter now. They were both stars. They had caught each other in orbit.

[break][break]

Would this High Queen get eaten alive? Maybe. Maybe not. Jin-Hwa's mother had dared to do the unspeakable and she had lived. She was cold and brutal and feared, but she had lived. This Mortal Queen was already known as "the cruel" and she had barely held the throne for a month. As much as Jin-Hwa despised the poisoner's prince, it was the right move. Risky, daring, but wise. The fae didn't want him on the throne any more than some usurping noble. But it showed that she could be reasonable. It was a faerie play, but she had a mortal's skills. Jin-Hwa was curious to watch. Any sort of destruction suited her just fine.

[break][break]

She sighed, looking at Cassie. "You can't do it. Somone must die. I have to do it. You know well enough." The undersea were the children of monsters. They emerged from chaos and darkness, in the depths of the sea where no one was allowed. Or that was the story. Dragons and krakons and kelpies all gave way to a new race of fae that were more monstrous and cold-blooded than the rest. Salt water ran in their veins and bloodshed crackled in their magic. Jin-Hwa would have to claim that legacy or she could never be their queen. So why did she so desperately want Cassie to be safe? [break][break]



Cassie wasn't like that. Cassie was half land fae. Cassie was softer and sweeter, like Jin-Hwa's aunt. Like Marcellus or Hai. They never wanted bloodshed. They wanted beauty or romance. Jin-Hwa wanted to go up in flames. She was trapped underwater, trapped in a labyrinth, trapped by fear. She would have to get out alone.



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[Cassie Eloise Enigma]

    Cassie nodded in reply. Yes, her whole life was being upended because of a mortal. She knew her loyalty must shift for any mercy to be given to her, but it was hard for her wrap her mind around how a mortal could rule the land of the fae. Maybe she could lie, but the fae could still trick one with the truth. She’d thought about what it would be like to go back home. Back to her true home, the one where she’d been born. She’d never considered whether or not she would be allowed to come back. It was hard to choose between two lands. She’d spent most of her life on Land at this point, but that didn’t mean she’d forsaken the Sea either. She loved them both, and for that, she could be considered a traitor to both. Neither kingdom wanted her for her affiliation to the other, so she was left floating between both of them, unwanted everywhere she went.

    “I could go back to the house I was raised in. I could live a quite life there, I could find a way to get by.” It would be risky, of course, but as long as she didn’t anger the Queen of the Undersea too much, she would be fine. “Who would protect me other than you?” Cassie asked. She had connections, that was true, but none of them were close enough of acquaintances to open their home to her. Besides, why would they if it would anger the Queen? She had already planned on asking Gemini to intercede for her. She felt like it would be too much to ask. Maybe in the future, it would be her only option, but for now, she didn’t want to bother him. He was already busy with his heir duties, and though Cassie had no idea what he was doing becoming the new Queen’s heir, she trusted that he would take care of himself. “I will, but I don’t want to be too much of a burden on him.”

    She nodded again. For all her anxieties, there was something deep in her heart that knew she would truly be safe. Everything would be okay. Besides, she trusted Jin-hwa and she trusted herself. The Queen of the Undersea was going to die at someone’s hands. It had to be Jin-hwa’s. Cassie would not murder the Queen herself, but she would do whatever Jin-hwa asked her to do to help. “I don’t want to do it. She is your mother, not mine.” There was a pause after her statement, but Cassie never thought of her own mother, and now was especially not the time. “But let me help you, please Jin-hwa.” Her voice softened, carrying the pleas she spoke with care. “You mustn’t do this alone.”

TAGS: Jin-Hwa Mei
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But I, I was high in the sky. Are there still beautiful things?

[Jin-Hwa Mei]

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Cassie Eloise Enigma

797 words

Music

Outfit

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WHEN DOES A RIPPLE BECOME A TIDAL WAVE [BREAK]
WHEN DOES THE REASON BECOME THE BLAME 

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Jin-Hwa stared at her, blinking in the light, processing this new information. "Who said anything about my mother?" she asked, turning to Cassie. Open treason. Bland treason. Jin-Hwa didn't care. Her mother wouldn't even be surprised if one of her children killed her. Her aunt had killed her grandmother, and her grandmother had killed her great-grandmother. The Undersea rules were simple. For daughters to come of age, their mothers had to die. For their mothers to die, someone had to kill them. So it was either getting revenge on her killer or killing her yourself, but what girl had come of age without overshadowing their mothers? Once her first daughter was born, Kaimana had started the clock. Jin-Hwa knew it. If she ever had a daughter, it would be the same. Sons could do what they wished. To be a woman required someone's blood.
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Of course, Kaiamana had found a solution. Someone's blood. But what if it was a man, a man who was "in the way" of the throne? Then her daughters could be fearsome and someone would be dead and Kaiamna could be in control. She never told them, of course. But she sent them all a letter a year ago. That "those in the way" of the throne must be "dealt with." The message was clear enough to anyone who had grown up in her palace. Anh would have to kill her fiance. Hai would have to kill her brother. And Jin-Hwa? Thee man in her way was her father. 
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Cassie' hadn't grown up in that palace. She was thinking about an old warrior's tradition, not Kaimana's "new" undersea. Jin-Hwa sighed. She didn't know how to explain this. Cassie hadn't learned to think this way and she didn't want her to. She wished she could see her brother as anything other than a sacrifice.
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"Cassandra. Think about it. In every great mortal tale, the men come of age by killing their fathers. In the Undersea, how do we come of age? Why is my grandmother dead? My aunts killed her. Why are my aunts dead? My mother killed them. But she knows this. Womanhood requires blood. Is my mother the type to put her head on the altar?"
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Who were they sacrificing to? Custom. Custom that dictated that motherhood was the parenthood that mattered because the mother gave the children blood in the womb, and mothers bled giving birth. Custom that taught fathers to slit their arms and anoint their children with their blood as claiming them, because anything that mattered required blood. Kaimana had found a new way. It was her talent.
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"Who must die? Someone. Not her. So. My brother, Anh's fiance." She turned her head to the side, not daring to continue. She did not know if she could imagine it. Cassie's father was dead and she was fine. Jin-Hwa was being a fool. But one time, years ago, he had rolled up his sleeve and she had seen his scar. She had known then. It was no mistake.
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"You are not quiet. And you would not find a way. That Queen will forever be looking for a reason to kill you. Forever is longer than you might think." Jin-Hwa stretched her hand out and could not see it before her. She thought about the days of old when the dragons roamed the earth and brave women killed them, and she could not imagine how long ago that must have been. Over thirteen centuries. So much had changed, and she was here, now, at the crest of that wave. She had to find a way out. 
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"Look at you now, summoning the princess who is your best hope to live like I am a child you might command. Offering up treason like it is a trifle. Cassie, you are not quiet, or careful, or even truly reckless. You have been spoiled, which is worse. No one will be soft with you now."  
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Jin-Hwa's voice had gone cold, her eyes blank. She was looking past Cassie, planning. Her words were harsh and she was not waiting for them to land. Cassie would have to pull herself together now and then she'd have to do it a million more times. Nothing Jin-Hwa could say should be able to hurt her.
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She had no doubt Cassie was brilliant, but it had been wasted by her father's negligence. Not caring was worse than cruelty. Jin-Hwa had been hammered to bronze and Cassie had been left to rot. She would fix it. A hardened Cassie was better than a dead one. 
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"So," she said, slitting her eyes at Cassie, the plan now fully formed in her head. "You want to help? Realize that no one is catering to your every want now. Start by being useful."
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[Cassie Eloise Enigma]

    Cassie had to force herself to go numb. She had learned how to do it when speaking to her father because the hurt she had felt at his indifference had quickly turned to anger, and to keep herself in check, she had to become indifferent herself. She found herself doing the same thing now as Jin-hwa spoke to her. Cassie didn’t feel hurt because Jin-hwa wasn’t trying to hurt her. But she was not giving her the mercy of a soft, nice truth. She was not the type to hide the truth. The truth was harsh, the truth was not an easy drink to swallow. “Someone has to die. You said it yourself.” She lowered her voice like there could be anyone listening at the door. Things were changing. The High Palace was no longer a safe place for anyone, let alone the two of them. A princess with Undersea heritage, and an Undersea princess? It was almost a miracle how no one had tried to harm Cassie yet.

    “Who else would it be? My father is gone, Ambrose and Maeryn have been exiled, Gemini has been declared heir to the very Queen whose best option is to have me killed, and Ophelia is but a child.” A child, like Jin-hwa was. And yet, Jin-hwa wasn’t a child. She had never been one, because she’d never been allowed to be one. Cassie had been allowed to be a child, and she’d never seen it before, but her father had kept her a child for as long as he could. A spoiled, ignorant child was easier to control than a woman. An ignorant child didn’t cause issues for her father. Was this her rite of passage? She was quiet now, listening to Jin-hwa berate her like she nothing more than a little girl who’d spoken out of turn. Like she knew nothing about the real world because nobody would ever dare to teach her but of course, they’d blame her later for their latent ignorance.

    Her head was bowed down, eyes cast to the ground like they had been in her father’s throne room. All those years ago, when he decided that he’d like his eldest daughter to entertain him. She was a mirror image of his faults, so any internalized contempt he had could be externalized onto a girl who quickly learned why he did not care. Cassie looked up at Jin-hwa through her lashes once the words stopped. The perfect picture of a chastised child. “So tell me what you want me to do.” Her gaze grew hard as her words became more serious. “But realize that you cannot make me become ruthless. I will help you because I love you. But I refuse to become the very monster they are making me out to be.”

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But I, I was high in the sky. Are there still beautiful things?

[Jin-Hwa Mei]

TW: Domestic Abuse














































































































[nospaces]

[attr="class","Lost"]

[break]

Cassie Eloise Enigma

540 words

Music

Outfit

[break][break]

WHEN DOES A RIPPLE BECOME A TIDAL WAVE [BREAK]
WHEN DOES THE REASON BECOME THE BLAME 

[break]















Jin-Hwa watched her, counting. One, two, three. It had always been like this for her. She ran from other children, scattering them like minnows running from a shark. She would sprint down hallways and dash through corridors, trying to find balconies and secret peepholes, trying to watch them without anyone noticing. And watch she did, with huge owl eyes, until she was sure she knew what to do, and then she would dash back in, scream like a maniac, break toys, call them names, and count. She counted to three and she saw who cried. They were the ones she could break. They were the ones she could use. The ones who didn't cry were not helpful to her.
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Her mother had put a stop to it, or tried. She had tried to beat it out of her. It hadn't worked. 작은 괴물. Little Monster. She was not little anymore. She was more monstrous than ever. 
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It was all the same. Say the wickedest thing she could think of and count to three. Ferret out their hopes and dash them on the rocks. Become a siren with her words. Paint pictures that they could not have. Desperate people were always the most interesting. Cassie refused to become desperate. It would have been fascinating were it not so ill-timed.
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So she counted and Cassie spoke. She said things Jin-Hwa knew outright were false. She said things that Jin-Hwa wondered at her believing. She said things and Jin-Hwa realized they were not the same and never would be.
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She was not coddled or trained; she was broken. She was not guarded and raised; she was beaten into shape. Cassie had been poured into an ill-fitting mold and Jin-Hwa had been forged in a crucible. Those blades could never be the same. But they could all be pieces on the same board. And they would be, soon enough. Their blood condemned them.
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Anything good had to paid for in blood. The best things had to be paid for in royal blood. Some said the blood of the dragon. Either way. Their blood defined them. It put them on the board. The board could be a battleground or a labyrinth. It could be a field for victory or it could be a slaughterhouse. They were there anyway. 
[break][break]
"You will be desperate one day," she murmured, thinking out loud. "Then you will die soft or live a monster. I cannot protect you forever." Was it so awful that she wanted to? But she had demanded that Cassie become useful, and Cassie had agreed. She could not take a piece off the board, not now, not one so essential. She knew this well. She was her mother's daughter. She was her father's murderess, or she was becoming that girl. She was a proud warrior and an awful sister. She could only do so much.
[break][break]
"We start on the offensive." she said, meeting Cassie's eyes, ever the schemer, ever the planner. Ever the general. "We bring the fight to them. So. The garden party. My mother. You set her off guard. I will deal with your brother." At this, she smiled, but it was a hungry smile, through and through. It was a creature waiting to destroy.
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[Cassie Eloise Enigma]

    “I disagree.” Cassie’s voice was so solemn, it almost sounded foreign. She felt like she was listening to someone else speak. She’d been a girl who’d been torn from her home as a child and thrown into a pit of vipers. She never had the option of being soft. Just because she was not as monstrous as Jin-hwa did not make her soft. Just because she’d been spoiled and left to rot did not mean she was soft. Spoiled things were repulsive, but they were also sickly sweet. That had been her only advantage in a court of vipers. “I am not soft.” She hated how much her rebuttal sounded like the whine of a child. “I am not soft,” she repeated, her voice firmer this time. “And I will not live to become a monster. I will do what I must to help you and protect myself but I will not become a monster.”

    But she could not say that she would never become desperate. Cassie felt desperate now. She was at the point of contemplating murder just because there was a remote chance that it would keep her safe. There were changes occurring in Faerie, and Cassie was unlucky enough to have to be involved in them. Jin-hwa’s hungry smile made her feel wary. To start, she was supposed to catch the most feared woman in Faerie off guard. The task was daunting, and it hadn’t even begun yet. “How am I supposed to do that? If you are anything like your mother, which I know you are, it is nearly impossible to catch you off guard. And what of your brother? You speak of his apparently imminent death like it means nothing. Why not speed the process a little?” What would it even do, the murder of her brother? Marcellus was rumored to be replacing Cassie as ambassador to the Undersea, but even if he died, there was no guarantee that she would stay the ambassador. Besides, it would cause turmoil amongst the Queen and her sisters. Wasn’t he to marry one of them? But maybe that was the point, she realized.

    “But no, Marcellus’ death does not guarantee anything. If he dies, it is not a proven fact that I will keep my position as ambassador. I would advise trying to keep him alive, rather than waiting for his demise. He is naive, and new to this court and this job. They have to keep me alive long enough to help him learn the ropes.” This conversation felt like it was going nowhere. Once a new possibility opened up, it was shut down, with seemingly nothing to replace it. Someone had to die. That was the one thing they could both agree upon. But who? Jin-hwa’s mother, at some point. Obviously, her friend did not think it prudent to go straight for the kill with her mother, but Cassie thought it would be much, much worse to let Marcellus die. “You could dispose of him differently if you wanted.” Thoughts of Ambrose and Maeryn surfaced as she spoke. Exile would be the easiest, though it could not be done without reason. It was no matter. The fae had their ways of hurting reputations. “But at the core of everything, he is innocent. I will not let you let him die.” There would be blood on Cassie’s hands at the end of all this, there was no denying it. But she would wash her hands in the blood monsters sooner than that of innocents.

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MENTioned: Marcellus Yong 
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But I, I was high in the sky. Are there still beautiful things?