Flawless {Suki}

[Tsukishima "Suki" Kagome]

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[attr="class","Lost"]

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Adem Agni Yadav

540 words

music

n/a

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I'm playing the victim so well in my head [break]

But it's me who's been making the bed

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Desperation. Hunger, ceaseless. A curse that her mother suffered, a curse that may have run in her blood. She would never know. She didn't know what she was. She did not know the substance that made her.  [break][break]

She closed her eyes and she could not see herself.
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And she ran because she was desperately searching. She ran because the fae were furiously hungry and she was the first bitch in the pack. She ran because she wanted to run into herself and because she wanted to run away. She was not at all sure she would be something solid for him to grab onto if he wanted to hold on to her. 
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Sitting next to him was something new. Breathing his air was something new. Spirare. Latin for breath. Sperare. Latin for hope. They were said the same. To conspire was literally to breathe together. Desperation was a lack of hope. Respiration was a repetition of breath. She could feel them both, running her hollow like a river and a gulf. She should not have known any of this. She only knew the words because he had told her, the day she asked him to stay and he did, talking to her when he thought she was asleep.
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It was funny. She could close her eyes and not see herself, but in total silence she heard his voice.
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"I run." She said. "I run. What will happen if I stop?"
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There was no because in that statement. She could not explain it or she did not want to try. It was a fact. She ran, she had always been running, she could not tell him why, she could only be afraid. She could only be the fae in the room with the sharpest teeth. She could only cut them before they cut her. She ran. She left bloody footprints.
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"I didn't say I take no joy in it because I won't." She said. He was so sure. So strong. She was talking for the first time in a long time and it felt like forcing air into her lungs. Spirare. "I wanted you to know. You deserve to know."
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He deserved a lot. By all accounts, he didn't deserve her, but he deserved anything and everything else. The vows his family made shouldn't have mattered, but they did, just like her mother's hunger shouldn't have been her only heirloom, but it was. There was that desperation again, from both of them. How immortalizing it was to fight fate and lose. 
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No more hiding. That meant no more running. Was she capable of it? She tilted her head up and let him kiss her. She wanted him to. She wanted to burrow into the circle of his arms and let herself think they were formed for her and not some burden of his ancestry. She wanted to stop hiding from the world and instead hide herself in their hearth and pretend her heresy wasn't hereditary. Why couldn't the world be what she made it, again and again? She was the fae. She was a heretic. It was all she had.
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"I know you," she replied. His heartbeat had been transplanted into her veins. His air was hers. Conspire. To breathe together. To plot. To build something new. "I know that."

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